If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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