he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
