If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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