I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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