those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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