I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
