And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
