if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
