she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
