he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We got so high we made milksteak
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
