You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
