So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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