The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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