I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
