I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize