dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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