i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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