how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
