When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
