you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
