I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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