Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
