you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
