Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
