your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
