glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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