Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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