If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
