Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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