Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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