Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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