My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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