fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
