btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
