I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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