You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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