im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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