my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
