I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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