I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
