The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will be naked everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
