You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
