is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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