Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
