I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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