Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
