Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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