Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
