would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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