just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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