Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So. Much. Porn.
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