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I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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