I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
