Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
