She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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