the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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