Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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