My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
