ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
