she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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