i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
