she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
