i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
