youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
