tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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