You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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