drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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