Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
