I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
