she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
