And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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